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Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips
Caregivers | Last Active: Oct 1 7:57pm | Replies (113)Comment receiving replies
I am the caregiver for multiple family members and my husband is at 12 years in another month. I couldn’t agree more with the other members who have posted. Yes, we all try to take care of ourselves but I find that statement unhelpful as well. I find it easier to manage my physical needs than my emotional needs. Sometimes, I just need a set amount of time where I know I don’t have to help anyone anyone or answer the phone (unless it really is an emergency). I might just sit with my headphones on and look at rock slabs, or spin yarn. If I can get an hour or so, I head to the barn and brush my horses, they make me forget myself and live in the moment. It isn’t that I don’t want to be there for my family, it is just that you never really relax and if you can say “ I have the next 10 minutes free”, you can relax for that 10 minutes.
I love what Scott said about chores. Suddenly most chores are not so important anymore. Clutter is meaningless, as is dust. I hire the kids in the neighborhood to do outside chores that are simple, they get spending money and I don’t have to worry about the grass, weeds, or whatever.
In the case of my husband, hard times come and go but he will always be unable to lift, push or pull more than 5 pounds so even when times are good, life isn’t really easy. I am grateful for every day we get together and will be blessed if I can take care of him another 12 years, but sometimes I just need that 10 minutes to look at rocks.
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@auntieoakley You make many excellent points in your post, but one really struck me as super-valuable! The challenges of physical and emotional needs of caregivers! Caregivers can always use support, no doubt about it, but I've never met a caregiver who lacks compassion, desire, and concern for their loved ones who happen to be doubling as patients. To me, what does happen is we get physically and emotionally exhausted! That is very different than a lack of compassion, etc. When someone tells me I lack compassion I feel very negative feelings since, to me, it imparts a failure on my part and goodness knows no caregiver needs more feelings of guilt and doubt. We all feel as though we fail at times, but not for lack of desire, but out of exhaustion -- physical and emotional.
One of the nicest things an old friend of mine did for me at the height of my caregiving demands was send me a few select clippings he'd find during the week that he thought I might find interesting. They lived in my bathroom so when I could I'd grab one to read and escape for a few moments. I really came to cherish those envelopes in the mail since I no longer got a copy of the newspaper and magazines just stacked up.
Often it is the small that can really help a caregiver!
Strength, Courage, & Peace