Can Joy and Grief Live Together?

My sincere condolences to you and your family. I hope the memories that you hold dear will carry you along.

Condolences. Grieve at your own pace, one day at time. It okay to ask for help from friends/ family or professional help. Take your time.

What a lovely sharing of your thoughts and feelings. Thank you.

My husband died a year and a half ago. While I was grieving I reviewed my life. What did I accomplish? What do I want to do? A few months after my husband died I wrote another grief book. (I'm the author of about 10 grief resources.) I have the kind of mind that needs to be busy all the time, so I accepted a part-time job. Also started a second career as a doodle artist. In all that I do, I feel buoyed by mu husband's love.

I have one more fact to add to the above post. My part-time job is Assistant Editor of the Open to Hope Foundation website, an online community for the bereaved. We're not trying to sell you anything; we're trying to help you get to the next minute, next hour, next day. I'm proud to be affiliated with this foundation.

U go girl!

Ishell, I commend your willingness to experience grief and joy. I've had many losses and learned, over the years, that love is stronger than grief.

It absolutely does.

You can have moments of each.

Honestly, I don't think that there is going to be a time that I will function like I used to. There has just been too much and now I am 70. In 2007, my 32 yr old son died from cancer, in 2008 my 2nd husband of 20 yrs died from cancer, in 2009 my father died, in 2010 - my youngest child returned back to the fold after having been missing for 12 years/ age 31 severely impaired since he had been living on the street. His father, Husband #1 of 17 yrs took care of him and helped him get back on his feet as best he could. They lived together. They both died 2 days apart in 2018, my mother also died just 2 months later. Between all that, in 2016, my home burned entirely which was horrible but NOTHING hurts like the death of a child. Stuff can be replaced. I married Husband #3, moved away to his state 6 yrs after the death of Husband #2 since my oldest child was well grown with a family and this 3rd marriage has been a blessing with a huge curse of an undiscovered addiction. He is now in recovery for that. I am left with severe grief and loss and symptoms of PTSD, I've had some therapy but I don't really find it is helpful at all. Who gets it? The therapists don't. loss of a child is like none other, then add another and husband and parents + home and all belongings? The best help I have is when I am with people who are similarly situated and who know me. I have 2 very close women friends, one has lost both of her children and since the death of my 2 sons, my other friends daughter committed suicide. It is very difficult to find a new path without the avenues where I gave so much of my love. I didn't think I could go on living after the death of that first child "J", the kindest child of mine. I made the only decision I could which I still make every day - to just not die. I've been living with this for 16 yrs. I'd like to say it has it is getting better? Some parts are a bit more manageable because of acceptance of what I cannot change. The pain of grief shifts around and changes form. At least I am no longer falling apart. I had a run of breakdowns, fractures, pseudo-illnesses and all sorts of anxiety related issues that doctors recognized as grief related. They are very smart and I am very thankful for that. I'd like to find a grief support group where I live now in NYC but I have not been able to find one with in-person living breathing people. I've not found zoom too great for me. I'll just keep hanging on to God and to the hope that there is One. I DO have a new life even if it is still not a fitting one. I am blessed differently.