The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. I had that same thought when I read ur first blog . . . that Harley waited for you. He needed to know you were safe. My father always had a dog and I have had dogs all my life. My other dogs got old and sick and two had to be helped to cross the rainbow bridge because they were in too much pain. I was prepared and losing a pet when not prepared is very painful. 15 yrs ago we had a dog that had gotten very old and she passed. What I did was volunteered at a no-kill shelter and cared for the dogs as best I could (I suffer from chronic pain.) Sometimes, it would be just washing dog and cat dishes. On good days, I could cuddle with my new friends. After six months, after going to the shelter nearly every day, and I was still grieving my loss, a dog was brought in who had lost her master in a motorcycle accident. His family did not want the dog. Her name was Missy. She was old and I adopted her and she only lived 3 years with us. That is what I would do. I would volunteer at a shelter.