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Frustrations of caregiving: Feeling neglected and obligated
Caregivers | Last Active: Mar 1, 2022 | Replies (20)Comment receiving replies
My spouse has metastatic renal cell carcinoma with mets to the sternum and lower spine causing the most pain now. She had a small stroke in early January from a clot that formed because of her cancer med and being off blood thinner for a few days for a vertebroplasty. Realizing from Palliative Care providers expertise that she isn't going to get better or even stronger for a short term, we have become Hospice patients as of one week ago. My spouse was determined to get to Arizona, where we usually winter and have a big support group, as opposed to our summer residence which we just moved to the end of November.
She survived the trip, has seen friends, has been in the pool once, has seen midwest friends who are also here for a short while, and now she seems to be letting go. I'm tired, but relieved to be among so many friends who can help.
Don't know how this note will help anyone, but I haven't logged on for a long, long time and just felt the urge to write something. Thanks for listening.
Replies to "My spouse has metastatic renal cell carcinoma with mets to the sternum and lower spine causing..."
@deek15redpeppers There is a grace and unspoken/unseen energy when you move in to the stage you and your spouse are at. A thankfulness for all your support group and friends, as they buoy you both up now. I know you are tired, and overwhelmed. Let your friends there know how important they are to you both, and allow them to take over when you yourself need a bit of a break.
I wish for you, a peacefulness that comes with knowing your spouse has accomplished what she needs and wants now. A comfort knowing you have done what you can, and even in the grief of a life turned upside down, your support team of friends are standing right there with you. Please feel free to PM me when you feel the want/need.
Ginger
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I am so happy for you and your wife to be able to get to Arizona. When my dad had stage 4 liver cancer with metastases he also decided he needed one last visit to his Winter Texan home. He entered hospice there and my sister and I were able to be with Mom and Dad at the very end. The support was far more than she would have had at home in the dead of winter.
We are now Winter Texans ourselves, and my husband and I are honored to support friends, our "family of choice", as we all face the trials of aging and end of life.
It is a true blessing to be among many who understand what we face, and be able to grieve and celebrate life together. We just shared dinner with a woman who lost her husband 10 years ago this month, she has become one of our dearest friends, and a model of how to face loss and move forward.
Please accept all of the love and support your friends offer in this difficult time. Your life and theirs will be richer for it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sue