Hello @lauraloo81,

I believe that most transplant recipients feel some sort of guilt, but for varying reasons. To start with, we’ve gone through a traumatizing illness and on top of that we have a donor organ in us (unless one had a live donor). So, of course we’re going to feel a huge emotional burden, resulting in what amounts to PTSD. I for one was never a person to cry or get overly emotional, but after my transplant, and even now, I still become emotional…which is a normal reaction, as is guilt.

Most of my guilt was due to the burden I had placed on my support people. I’m single and estranged from my family. Fortunately, I had friends who sacrificed to stay with me when I was in end stage liver disease. I too felt guilt over my donor’s death. But I know I am not responsible for his death. So, I’ve turned that guilt into being a more appreciative person, particularly in my daily remembrance of my donor, the blessings for my second chance at life, and my loving friends.

I also try to channel the blessing of my transplant into supporting others on Connect who are facing the challenges associated with their illnesses, getting prepared for their transplant, and others that I may help through my knowledge and experience. As Rosemary says, donor organs typically have to match their recipients. And, we as recipients had to be ready for the transplant surgery and available at the moment we get the call.

It is of course a travesty that not everyone who is on the waitlist receives a donor organ. My role as an organ recipient, however, is to be forever grateful and to do the best I possibly can to eat well, exercise, remain positive, and take care of my awesome new liver.

I’m glad you are seeing a therapist. I also found my transplant team social worker to be very insightful. I hope you will also find the Connect community to be very supportive.

Be well, Athena