More than anything else, I always wanted to be a mother. I can say the estrangement from my eldest is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, too. Our grown children have no idea what we are talking about when we say that.

My husband and I are both vaccinated and boosted. My son does not believe in vaccination. So it makes seeing him all the more difficult. We've come to the point where we bring an N 95 mask along with us and ask him to wear it whenever we are with him. If it sounds like we see him, often, that is not the case. He calls only when he needs something. We see him, rarely, only when he needs us or for a brief period of time at Christmas, dropping off food. These contacts help me more than him.

We do what we do for our sake as much as his. If we never reached out to him, I don't think he would care....until he needs something. I have sent emails, texts, pix at times and, more often than not, he doesn't bother to respond to them. But whenever he is going through some emotional crisis (twice within the span of the last 4 years), guess where he knows his safest place to fall is? Good ol' Mom.