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What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Apr 4 9:07pm | Replies (125)Comment receiving replies
@marye2 I'm sorry that one of your sons is so distant, I can imagine how difficult that must be. I think you are probably right in realizing that you should not be the one putting all of the efforts in though. I really thought that once my daughter was through college and didn't "need" us anymore we might have very little contact with her but thankfully as she has aged she has grown closer and closer.
I know someone though who continually sets himself up for disappointment with his son and daughter. They very rarely contact him, they really don't even know or seem to care what is going on in his life Yet he still continues to try. His son and daughter are not young, they are in their late 50s so by now should know better. It's sad when adult children are such ingrates. With one of the above-mentioned adult children I know she imagines slights but they are in her mind only, they never actually happened. I think she has resentments based on delusions. Is it possible that your son sees something in his past that he perceives incorrectly? I know that can be a stretch, but I do know that can happen.
JK
Replies to "@marye2 I'm sorry that one of your sons is so distant, I can imagine how difficult..."
In 1996 I was getting divorced and diagnosed with Lupus. After trying to find jobs without success in teaching, I decided to move from Houston to Arizona. The kids, by then teenagers, chose not to come with me. Their dad, I believe, didn't bolster their relationship with me and stopped holiday visits. I was working a low wage job, and for many years didn't have resources to bring them out, but thought I kept contact. Guess not as well as I thought I did. Also suspect parental alienation.
JK, what you are suggesting can and does happen. It's difficult because my eldest is very intelligent and for anyone to suggest he may be perceiving anything incorrectly is going to be met with resistance because he has already convinced himself we are the source of his problems. Hopefully, seeing a qualified counselor may help to sort things out because my son's misperception not only affects his relationship with us but his younger siblings and girlfriend as well. Life can be complicated, to say the least.
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My children have accused me of doing negative things upon reading a book about emotional neglect. I know that I did my best, but this weighs on me. I remember many times that I took action or issued directions without talking them through the problem. It's hard to remember the positive things, such as standing up for them against grandparents, teachers; driving them to their activities; organizing activities with their classes, having them live with us as adults, paying for lessons and more. None of this weighs against emotional neglect. The children have partners, good careers, aren't into drugs or alcohol, one has financial challenges, two have houses. I never hit them or berated them. but now one Hasn't talked to me in more than two years. The oldest attacks me verbally and unfortunately, I have reacted with anger and denial. The youngest approached my husband and I with understanding and opened a conversation that was hard, but healing. I am trying to get past the hopelessness of it all and the pain. This is too long. Thanks for listening to me.