We built our life around our kids, too. I have three grown children, now, two attentive, and my eldest who rarely calls - and then only when he needs something. Thank you for being so honest in sharing your feelings. I relate and needed to read the various helpful comments that followed. When I had my head on straight, I came to the conclusion that loving my kids, unconditionally, IS the point! It's going to be very difficult for them to fault us for that, one day, especially after they have children of their own and understand what it is like to be sick, themselves. I have always loved my kids but am needing to love myself, right now, enough to take into account that my children are still evolving. Some of us learn the importance of family earlier, others later in life. I know I learned later. There were years that I was off in Hawaii, seemingly having a great time, and yet, when I look back on those years, and many years that followed, I realize I was going through some very tough life lessons as a young adult and, therefore, was oblivious to the various medical problems my mother was going through at the same time. Probably - just as she did - I'm still waiting for my eldest to come to grips with himself enough to realize how much he is loved and cherished. His entire focus, rather, right now, is working long hours to establish himself, financially, and to find a suitable life partner. One day his head is going to surface above the water and, after taking a deep breath, is bound to notice the beauty of the blue sky. I need to love myself enough to know we are all in different places in life and the life lessons we all go through are difficult. Sooner or later our grown children will figure it out. It may be too late for me to reap the benefits from my eldest but I appreciate so much the legacy of loving-kindness my mother left me in spite of my failure to understand what she was going through. Ironically, the lengthiest response I get from my eldest is when I ask him how he is doing.