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Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot
Feelings of grief can come up at unexpected times, and holidays can be especially difficult. There are things all around you that trigger memories. It can help to acknowledge that grief will likely be a guest during the holidays.
The holiday season will be different without your loved one. Here are some tips that I've gathered over time.
- Do only as much as are able or want to do.
- Begin new traditions.
- Plan ahead and incorporate memories of your loved one into the plans.
- Find ways to give to others in need.
- Do something completely different from anything you’ve done before.
Some people find it reassuring to participate in traditional holiday activities, while others find it too difficult. Let’s learn from each other.
What do you find particularly tough as the holiday season approaches? What helps you?
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My brother, who I loved dearly, committed suicide. He exploded his house, along with two two other houses rendering at least 8 people homeless, along with condemning 3 more houses. Dealing with this devastation has made this the worst year of my my life. Mikayla
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1 ReactionOh Mika, I can't begin to imagine. Losing someone to suicide challenges our comprehension and leaves us wondering why love can't be enough. I'm sure he felt and knew your love. You may also be interested in sharing with others who understand loss by suicide here:
- Suicide: Finding it hard to lose someone by suicide https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/suicide-1/
Please know that the choices your brother made and the destruction it caused others are not yours to bear. You're hurting too.
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2 ReactionsThank you.
Thank you for sharing, the questions will always be there…
but I have found that after 14 years I’ll never truly understand my fathers thinking or lack thereof. The pain suicide causes will always be with you, we just learn to accept that some questions will never have all the answers and that’s just a fact.
I do believe however, that if our loved one knew the shock, pain and hurt left behind they would have chosen a different ending. People are here with you not just surviving but learning right along side of you.
It’s still a subject that no one wants to actually deal with because it makes everyone uncomfortable but those of us left behind don’t have a choice…we have to confront the issues of suicide.
Ignorance is definitely not bliss.
Please know that there is hope after losing a loved one to suicide and continue to reach out for help, YOU could be the help that someone else needs to assist someone else in their journey. Life can be difficult but it’s worth living and loving.
At the end of the day it’s not about success or wealth, it’s about loving and investing in people and creating a better world for all of us. We choose every single day how to respond to all that comes our way…
I’m so thankful that so many have reached out about suicide, no blank stares of someone not knowing what to say… or just avoiding you, or the room going silent when you walk in…there ARE those of us that truly do understand your pain and we aren’t afraid to deal with it.🧐
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2 ReactionsWhat a lovely message, @grannydee. I'm tagging @mikaylar to make sure she sees it.
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4 ReactionsThank you! Mikayla
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1 ReactionThank you, this community means a lot to me. I kicked all other social media to the curb now check in here once a day. I really appreciate the information and support that I have received and hope to be there for others that have experienced these personal tragedies. There is hope, and it needs to be shared in a safe way.
So thankful that I finally found it! It was recommended to me by the National Pancreatic Foundation, they too have been helpful.
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4 ReactionsAnother great on line place for support is http://www.grief.com with David Kessler. He also has a Facebook page that I have found very helpful. Thoughts, hugs and prayers to all as we move forward at our own pace.
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1 ReactionHello @mikaylar
Oh, what a terrible experience! My heart goes out to you and your family. There is no logical explanation for your brother's action, it was purely emotional on his part. It is difficult to imagine pain taking over his actions and leading to such disaster.
What plans do you have to deal with this tragedy? Do you have a strong support network with family, friends, or a church group? How can we on Connect support you during this time?
I am not dealing with my grief because I have a daily persistent headache for 2-1/2 years. I am treating with many doctors and have been avoiding thinking about my brother. I know some day I will have to deal with it and the legal issues down the road. Right now, my health has to come first. Mikayla