@msg I so appreciated your post and Amanda's @amandajro response. I understand your dilemma as living in chronic pain can feel lonely, especially when we want to protect our loved ones from our reality.

In pain rehab I learned that a neutral approach is a good one. Meaning the person in chronic pain as well as family member (or friend) should remain neutral by not focusing on pain. Completely ignoring it however can be counter productive for all parties.

Setting aside a timed discussion of 5 -10 minutes per day or a weekly check in might be helpful to discuss how you and she have been feeling. The goal is to get caught up with honesty about pain but not let it dictate your lives.

I do not go to work due to disability, but every morning my husband asks, "what are doing today?", as he heads off to work....business as usual regardless of chronic pain.