Neutropenia, but no diagnosis: I'm curious, concerned and scared

Hi @momz, I can imagine that you are concerned and curious at the same time. It is disconcerting having something "not right" like low white blood cell count and rearranged clonal immature T cells. I'm glad that you are being closely monitored. It is not uncommon for "watch and wait" to be the primary treatment with some blood disorders. Watch and wait doesn't mean do nothing. I actually prefer the term active surveillance, meaning that you are being monitored pro-actively and a change in treatment will only be considered IF something develops.

Did you doctor say what condition they are monitoring for? Have you considered a second opinion?

Thank You, and yes I had a second opinion and it was the same response.
No diagnosis but treatment when needed?

That isn’t uncommon with blood disorders, Momz. How do you feel with the “watch and wait” approach?

Honestly it’s very trying on a daily for me, but I don’t verbalize or speak about it. It’s like knowing eventually you will start some kind of treatment.
And when I do I feel my time will be started like the game perfection.
I spend a lot of my free time trying to diagnose myself from information on cancer websites. The uncertainty is FRUSTRATING!

Hi @momz. Over the past few years I’ve had an immersion course with a serious acute blood cancer and treatment. So I’m hoping I can help allay your fears during your watch and wait period. I really like the @colleenyoung approach to this as active surveillance instead of watch and wait. It shows that you’re being well cared for by your medical team and they’ll be on top of the situation IF something else develops over the course of time. Or, it may not! In that case you’re wasting so much of your life worrying about something that may not even happen.

What is your greatest fear in all of this? You mentioned eventually having to start some kind of treatment. What are you picturing as the worst possible scenario in needed treatment?

So often our imaginations are our worst enemy, we tell ourselves stories, filling our heads with dread and robbing us of a healthy, carefree life. I’ve learned if I face these fears head on and move my thoughts from “what ifs” to living in the present, I’m in a much healthier place mentally. I refuse to give into fear anymore. I’ve faced the worst of it and feel pretty invincible now that I have. Not going to waste a moment worrying. I have doctors whom I trusted with my life several times. They now have the honor of carrying that worry for me.
Another taboo…is self diagnosing from websites! Oh we’re all guilty of wanting to do that. A little information can be dangerous and lead us down paths we really don’t want to follow. ☺️

But now, contradicting myself, you’ve got me curious about your neutropenia. Would you mind telling me your latest CBC results? No personal information just the numbers for your CBC with Absolute Neutrophil count, WBC, RBC, Platelets, Hemoglobin.
It sounds to me with the T-cell involvement that the issue is on the lymphoid side of your immune system. Having the numbers would paint a little clearer picture for me.

Hi @momz, I know we’ve communicated by private message recently and I’m so happy to have helped make a difference in your approach to “what ifs”. I know this process of thought change isn’t as easy as a finger snap but we can achieve great things with a positive outlook.

I saw this comment the other day in Daily Dose of Happy and thought you might feel the same emotion I did when reading it. It’s the little things that can really leave a lifetime impact.
“Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

How’s everything going?

Lori,
Thank You for sharing your story and showing such heart felt kindness! I am good each day I am consciously making an effort to not”What if”my health. I agree with you on that’s what Doctors are for. I In trust in mine and have faith. Your words are encouraging and make a difference. Living in the moment is slowing down and enjoying what is in front of you! Good thoughts bring joy to our souls!
As Jaimie Lee Curtis says with here hand sculpture creation (My Hand in Yours)
Love Brenda

Brenda! I LOVE the addition of your photo and bio! I’m beaming from ear to ear with your picture! Girl, you’ve been stuck in hiding behind your ‘baggage’! I’m so happy to see the real you emerging and taking charge of negative thoughts! What a vivacious, gorgeous and strong woman!

Aw, yes, I know the sculpture, My Hand in Yours! And I can feel the strength from your hand…Yes, together we can conquer anything and from reading your bio, m’dear, you’ve already faced down major challenges in your life and came out the victor. However, it can leave you shell-shocked so I don’t blame you for being ready to flinch at any moment.
But you now realize it’s wasted time you no longer need to lose.

Thank you for making my day special, Brenda. Love to you and a huge hug!

Good morning, Brenda! Today is one of those gorgeous days filled with sunshine, birds singing and the sound of my little electric robot vacuuming the floor while I sit and type. Hehe

I hope your day is equally exciting and happy. What are you doing to enjoy each day?

hi dear @momz

Any Update about your case?