Hi @momz. Over the past few years I’ve had an immersion course with a serious acute blood cancer and treatment. So I’m hoping I can help allay your fears during your watch and wait period. I really like the @colleenyoung approach to this as active surveillance instead of watch and wait. It shows that you’re being well cared for by your medical team and they’ll be on top of the situation IF something else develops over the course of time. Or, it may not! In that case you’re wasting so much of your life worrying about something that may not even happen.

What is your greatest fear in all of this? You mentioned eventually having to start some kind of treatment. What are you picturing as the worst possible scenario in needed treatment?

So often our imaginations are our worst enemy, we tell ourselves stories, filling our heads with dread and robbing us of a healthy, carefree life. I’ve learned if I face these fears head on and move my thoughts from “what ifs” to living in the present, I’m in a much healthier place mentally. I refuse to give into fear anymore. I’ve faced the worst of it and feel pretty invincible now that I have. Not going to waste a moment worrying. I have doctors whom I trusted with my life several times. They now have the honor of carrying that worry for me.
Another taboo…is self diagnosing from websites! Oh we’re all guilty of wanting to do that. A little information can be dangerous and lead us down paths we really don’t want to follow. ☺️

But now, contradicting myself, you’ve got me curious about your neutropenia. Would you mind telling me your latest CBC results? No personal information just the numbers for your CBC with Absolute Neutrophil count, WBC, RBC, Platelets, Hemoglobin.
It sounds to me with the T-cell involvement that the issue is on the lymphoid side of your immune system. Having the numbers would paint a little clearer picture for me.

Hi @momz, I know we’ve communicated by private message recently and I’m so happy to have helped make a difference in your approach to “what ifs”. I know this process of thought change isn’t as easy as a finger snap but we can achieve great things with a positive outlook.

I saw this comment the other day in Daily Dose of Happy and thought you might feel the same emotion I did when reading it. It’s the little things that can really leave a lifetime impact.
“Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

How’s everything going?