Absolutely normal. Honestly most of it is seared in my memory even 17 years later. But the memories aren’t so agonizing anymore. But I think it is normal to feel “otherly” not quite alone but set apart somehow. I owned a retail store with a dozen employees at the time and couldn’t leave, or a retreat might have helped me through that feeling. I made the decision to sell my beloved store, and go to work for the wholesale company on the road every day writing orders for clients. I am not sure all of the windshield time alone would help everyone but it did help me to put my life back into perspective. This is a tough time. Be gentle with yourself you have been through a lot. I also took anastrazole. Are you comfortable sharing more of your journey? What treatments you had?

Hi Maria, I'd like to add my welcome along with @auntieoakley and to bring in other members too like @elizm @trixie1313 @sequoia @omega20 @ellerbracke @lisman1408 @cfacarol and others. I think that many women experience intense feelings at the end of active treatment. For weeks and months, you've been fully concentrated on 'battling cancer', going to appointments, managing side effects, consoling and managing the feelings of family and friends, keeping them updated, while trying to take care of yourself, and so much more. Through all of this you've had frequent contact with health professionals, their knowledge, their guidance and the support of other patients in the waiting areas. It's been busy with all attention on you and breast cancer.

Now all that has come to an abrupt stop. Screech. Stop. And like you said, you've found yourself with time to reflect and memories are flooding back. I know you're not alone with this experience and I look forward to seeing comments from others.

In the meantime, I wanted to offer you some other discussions and activities you may be interested in:
- “Surviving” Life After Breast Cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/life-after-breast-cancer/
- Emotional health after cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/emotional-health-after-cancer/
- Stress Management for Cancer: Free online course from Mayo https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/stress-management-for-cancer-free-online-course-from-mayo/

Follow the Cancer Education expert blog https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/
See these resources:
- National Cancer Survivor Day videos from Mayo Clinic experts on diet, stress, sex and more https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/tab/ncsd/

I'll be interested to hear more about the retreat in October. In the meantime, happy to have you here.