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Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 12, 2023 | Replies (707)Comment receiving replies
I came upon this forum as I was researching my husband's colon cancer situation last night. He was diagnosed about a year ago, and had a large tumor removed from his colon in April, after about four months of chemo. A recent PET scan showed two small spots, one on his liver, and one on his lung. He is beginning chemo again tomorrow in hopes of treating those. Yes, being a caregiver can be emotionally draining. I try to remain positive, and most of the time I am successful, but I also would love to feel "normal" again. Between covid and cancer, not sure when that will happen!
The reason that I am responding to your post, is that my husband is an alcoholic who has been sober for 34 years. I do remember the complete frustration of living with an alcoholic. How awesome of you to be able to put into words your thoughts and feelings the way that you have. I want to share with you, that I joined Al-Anon all those years ago, at the recommendation of our family doctor. It changed my life. I learned much about myself that I carried forward in raising my kids, in my friendships, my job as a teacher, and of course, my marriage.
You have a great understanding of what is going on with your husband and yourself. Take a deep breath, give yourself a break and realize that you have come a long way!
Replies to "I came upon this forum as I was researching my husband's colon cancer situation last night...."
Hello, @opheli @jugar and @gingerw I'll second the idea of the help Al-Alnon and the AA principles can be for caregiving. I grew up with an alcoholic father and spent a decade and a half as a caregiver for my wife. While it took several 'tries' by my dad for him to find his sobriety, my going through the family part of the program as well as years of Al-Anon were a wonderful help to me. Most of all, for me, the one-day-at-a-time philosophy helped me exist during those years of caregiving. Later some other steps helped my wife in her final months when she also embraced the wisdom of steps such as making amends.
One of the most challenging aspects of caregiving for me was accepting that there were many things I couldn't change, just like my father's alcoholism. I struggled early with accepting the fact family had no interest in helping, friends and family who ghosted on us, and some of the decisions my wife made that I might have made differently. It took me time to understand that there was little to be gained by my trying to make uncaring people care.
Strength, courage, and peace
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@opheli Thank you for a thoughtful response, and yet another possible way to work through the efforts of being a caregiver. I hadn't thought of Al-Anon, and you are correct, it might be a useful tool for @jugar to try. https://al-anon.org/
Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, by the way! We are an online forum sharing our experiences and tips, which you certainly did! Have you had a chance to wander through any of the other discussion groups, that might pertain to your husband's situation? There is a colorectal cancer discussion here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/colorectal-cancer/ It must be disappointing to find out your husband has to start chemo again. What has his medical team had to say about the small spots?
This is a good place to come when you need to talk or vent. We're always here!
Ginger