@jugar It took a big step for you to post this, and I commend you on being honest not only with yourself, but from the caregiver's side. Please do not see yourself as weak. In my situation, my ex-husband didn't/couldn't see the toll it was taking on me.

Before a transplant can occur, the team will assess the ability/willingness for the recipient to take care of the gift they receive. They are under no obligation to transplant an organ into someone who won't honor that gift, who may by their omission cause a rejection. I personally know of several people who needed an organ, but were not ready to change their lifestyle, and then sat on the list due to their own actions.

By expressing to your husband how this affects you, how you see the situation, by realistically seeing and explaining the entire thing, even though he may not hear you nor want to understand, you have done all you can, you put it out there to him, and can decide your next moves with a clear heart and mind. You do not wish ill on him; presenting the facts and having no positive response from him to ensure a good outcome for a transplant is all on him, then. Been there, done that. My ex and I were where you are, and I heard promises and when those were broken and empty, after I had tried everything possible from my standpoint, I had to think of myself and sanity first. Was it difficult? Oh, yeah! As a co-dependent you want to save that person, but you cannot without their participation.

Caregiving can be selfless, exhausting physically and emotionally, and at the same time the most rewarding experience of a lifetime. In other situations, it can cost you your own health [physical and emotional], all your finances, and can leave you bitter. Those seem to be to swing points on the caregiving spectrum. In my situation, I chose to leave to save myself. My ex passed some years later, a bitter man, alone, homeless, cirrhosis having taken his life.
Ginger