Hi!

I have simple partials, left temporal lobe epilepsy, although my first one went into a complex partial so I don’t quite remember all of it.
I was 10 years trying to figure out a diagnosis. Initially I was diagnosed with chronic migraine with atypical aura (we used to laugh and call it “word seizures” because I would have massive difficulty trying to find words and put together reasonable sentences). I didn’t know there were different types of seizures.
Typically, it goes something like this:
I feel very unwell, enough to want to sit on the bathroom floor.
There is a really weird rising feeling in my stomach and chest. Kind of like I need to throw up, but not exactly. Like going over little hills in the car or being on a roller coaster.
It feels like something that has happened before. The most intense déjà vu you can imagine, but not happy floaty oh wow this is unusual type déjà vu- more like this is the moment you die and you are being forced to live through it over and over and over again type déjà vu. It goes in and out in waves. The first time I felt it I got really confused at first. Was it Sunday night, or a different day? Was I going to have to pack lunches for the kids or could I sleep in? Omg what day of the week is it? I can’t remember the day. I thought that I was having a stroke so I woke my husband and tried to ask what day it was. He couldn’t understand me (gibberish and bizarre cadence he says). He asked something about the kids and I forgot I had 3 of them. Like legit could not bring that information up in my mind. He called paramedics, and everything he was saying to the operator I knew he was going to say (déjà vu again) but somehow I thought it wasn’t supposed to be him talking, it was supposed to be my dad (no idea what to call that). It was like a memory playing out in front of me but all the wrong players were there. He brought me downstairs and then yet another round hit me, but it hit with ABSOLUTE terror. This is the moment that I die. I heard my daughter call for me. (Still feel horrible guilt over that part the kids were awakened by the noise and terrified too). I kept getting stuck in the loop, and at one point saying no over and over again. It for sure hits on my fear centre. I saw stars for a bit at the end of that round, woke up a bit and kept saying over and over that “I’ve dreamt this before…”
When I got to the hospital I had another few smaller rounds. “I’ve been here before” Nope. Never been to that hospital.
“Tonight is the night we get VERY bad news” Nope. They thought I was tripping (I don’t do drugs) It is always the same pattern of feeling ill, deja vu, fear/sheer terror, then when it’s over I get tearful. I know it’s run it’s course when I start to cry.
It took me 3 months to even explain what the heck went on in there because I thought I was surely having psychosis. But when I did find the words for it the migraine neuro was completely matter of fact and said that’s a simple partial. I still get goosebumps thinking about how messed up it is.
I’ve had many more in the past 3 years. I hate them.
I have gotten slightly better at handling the fear part by attempting to count my way through them, and the strangest part is that I only seem to hear what I want to hear during them. I make up my own dialogue. I swear that my husband keeps saying “it’s ok we know what it is now” all though he apparently never says this 😂. I have no idea if any of this makes sense but there you go!