Suicidal ideation and seizures.
Brief background. I went to see a psychiatrist because I thought my “spells” were a scary sign of mental illness. I would have this sudden sense of deja vu followed by an overwhelming and unpleasant 10-30 second event. The psychiatrist told me she thought I was having seizures. I just about fell out of my chair. What??? The more I read, the more I realized she was right. Unfortunately, the neurologist I went to see disagreed. When I described my “spells” she said my symptoms were not indicative of seizures. It took two years before she walked into my hospital room and said: you have epilepsy. I was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. One of the medicines I was taking caused me to have double vision. The neurologist sent me to see three different eye doctors before conceding my symptoms might be from my Rx. Naturally, I have lost a lot of faith. Fast forward…I began to have sudden acute suicidal ideation. It comes on with the suddenness of a seizure. It lasts for about 10-30 seconds and it is followed by what I believe is a postictal phase of tearfulness. I’ve made my husband aware, because I am actually afraid that I might act before I can figure this out. We have had several conversations about this. Last night he said: “I dont think you should be left alone.” My response was, a very pouty, “I have to get sandpaper tomorrow.” I’m in the middle of refinishing a chest of drawers and I ran out of sandpaper. My husband was a counselor for years I have a bachelors in nursing. We have enough experience to know this shows I am future oriented. We have enough experience to know what a true suicidal state looks like. I am not suicidal. I believe I am having seizures. I dont believe I have the luxury of waiting for two years or seeing three different psychiatrists before my neurologist explores the possibility. As I said, I believe I am having seizures and I am concerned what a change in presentation could mean.