Erectile dysfunction: how do you deal with it together as a couple?

Hi right back! Thank you kindly for your message. It's nice to connect with people, not just because we are in pain, but I honestly believe it's the decent thing to do. Helping others is VERY important to me. So if you need to chat, I'm always a screen away.

My great grandfather worked for Blue bell for 50 years, as a truck driver. It takes its toll on the body and mind. Even more so with the pandemic last year and the after math it's left everyone in. I sincerely hope you and your loved ones are okay.💖

As for the 'little blue pill'. My husband went through a stage of denial, then frustration, to anger. Sometimes he would have a conversation with it. "Hey, come on. Work with me on this." It's funny the way he said it but it's sad too. I often wondered if I inadvertently put him under pressure to perform, so I let him come to me when he felt ready.

There's a company called 'numan' here in England. It's on the tv ALL the time to promote ED awareness. We looked into it. Cause at first we thought it was something new, when in fact, it was advertising the 'blue pill'. (Among other medications and men related issues, like hair loss, testosterone replacement, ect.) I don't think he was overly impressed with the cost, and his initial response to the lack of spontaneity was heartfelt. He says romance kind of goes out the window when you have to take medication to get your motor running.

I hope that science and medicine find healthy ways to treat this problem for men. It's not nice for them.

Sending gentle hugs. 💖

I am a 71 yr old male that has numerous medical problems, Severe COPD, Alpha 1, Essential Tremors, PE's, Barretts, and ED to name a few. For the ED my wife and I went thru the pills, skipped the pumps-they are dangerous, penile injections, and finally IPP then 2 yrs after revision surgery due to pump failure. Yes, I realize I am not 20 anymore, but with the complications with COPD it is very difficult to get the satisfaction I incorrectly anticipated. The other thing that is hard to deal with is that an erection is mechanical, not arousal... I think only a man can understand that. I also. worry about what my wife of 49 years thinks

I am a 71 yr old male that has numerous medical problems, Severe COPD, Alpha 1, Essential Tremors, PE's, Barretts, and ED to name a few. For the ED my wife and I went thru the pills, skipped the pumps-they are dangerous, penile injections, and finally IPP then 2 yrs after revision surgery due to pump failure. Yes, I realize I am not 20 anymore, but with the complications with COPD it is very difficult to get the satisfaction I incorrectly anticipated. The other thing that is hard to deal with is that an erection is mechanical, not arousal... I think only a man can understand that. I also. worry about what my wife of 49 years thinks

Bill, are you able to ask her what she think?

Colleen TY for ur reply. She is more a giver than a taker, we have talked about it... but she would rather, in my opinion, tell me what I want to hear. I understand a big problem is how I fail, even if it isn't my fault, in that area. It is probably a male thing.

Bill, I'm not a therapist, but it does seem to me that you need to be less hard on yourself. An erection is not success, nor is lack of one a failure. Love, pleasure, kindness and intimacy are paramount in a relationship - at least in my mind.

I'm 50 and have difficulty from time to time. I can almost always connect it to one or more of the following things: stress, having more on my plate than I can handle, not eating well, or (especially) lack of exercise. My wife and I disagree a little bit as to the significance of the problem.

To her, she's perfectly happy whether I get a full erection or not. Our love is extremely passionate and she feels closeness regardless. She will say things like, "You don't need to worry about that." It's easy for her to say. She doesn't need an erection to have sex and it's not her body that's letting her down. (Please don't take this as a sexist statement, or insensitivity towards women. We all have difficulties and challenges. We are also different creatures. I can't fully understand what she goes through, and vice versa).

What she doesn't see or feel is the struggle and frustration I have over it. While a half-erect penis is good enough for her, it is super frustrating for me. In that situation, I do not feel confident and I worry about whether or not it will let me down. I don't feel sexy and I feel somewhat embarrassed. I worry that she will think I'm not turned on. (This is probably a learned response. In my experience, women often worry that a man is not turned on if he doesn't get erect or if he doesn't ejaculate). IMO both of these things can be equally physically and health related as they are emotionally.

So here's what I do:

1) I exercise 3-4 times a week, more if I remember and have the time. Consistency is the hardest part. I have a rowing machine I use, or I go hiking. Those are my go-to's. They both get blood flowing and keep me in shape. Walking, bicycling, and a million other things will do. Get your own groove going. Whatever it is, get moving.

2) Drink lots of water. Without fail, 9 times out of 10, if I have trouble in bed, I am dehydrated.

3) Take care of my business. For me, stress often comes in the form of things left undone, things piling up, and things that are out of my control. In 2 of these 3 scenarios, there is something I can do about it. I get productive and do what I can to clean things up around me. At the end of the day I feel more accomplished, have higher self esteem and self worth, I feel more confident and sexy. For the things that are out of my control, I say the Serenity Prayer and let the Man upstairs handle it.

4) I try to eat right. This is difficult for me. Food isn't always what it appears to be. But if I eat plenty of protein (chicken and eggs are my go-to's) and veggies, it's a great start. And again, lots of water.

5) I use Blue Chew. It's really easy and cheap. I think about $3 a pill. I use the one that is generic Cialis. It's good for 24 hours and I don't have to worry about it. I find that if I take it when I am feeling sluggish or less energetic, it will actually keep things working well for several days. So I generally end up just taking it like 2-3 times a week and I'm always good to go.

6) Cayenne pepper extract. It is amazing for your circulation and regulates blood density. I could write a complete essay on its benefits. I use Nature's Way brand, start with the 40,000 btu, and start with 1 per day with lots of water. You'll likely get heartburn from it for the first few days...that's the pepper cleaning bad cholesterol out of your system. Once I get used to it, I up the dose. until I get to like 3 a day. On days when I take Blue Chew, I do not take the Cayenne.

I hope this helps and I wish you well 🙂

Thank you for sharing your experiences and things you’re doing to address the issues. Just a side note about your wife and women in general. We understand when our spouses go through changes in their sexual functions. Believe it or not we notice the changes beforehand and sometimes will hint about it and 9 times out of 10 the spouse will not accept it or make it the spouse issues.

Don’t assume just because she doesn’t have a penis that she can’t relate to how much this concerns you. Women are very responsive to communication and talking about it to your soul with transparency will help her work with you to find solutions that will allow sexual satisfaction for both of you.

Again thank you for sharing this will be beneficial for many men and couples going through the same thing.