Hello @kaitlynottum and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am really sorry that your reality is not understood by those around you and that you are going through this to begin with. I am sure you are both scared and frustrated.

As a way to get a better picture about your past and present, are you willing to share what medications, if any, you are taking? Also, can you better describe your pain in terms of where you feel it and if it is a muscle, bone, and/or nerve type pain?

I have had major depression to since I was age 7. I suffered a lot through most of my years but they really exploded when my fiancé died when I was 20 years old. After that I suffered a lot of losses like deaths of relatives. But I did not want to go and see a psychiatrist because I was fearful. I was afraid I would be locked up in the institution. My continued suffering for about 10 years and lost many jobs due to my lack of functioning which only made me feel worse. What I did not know is that there was real help for me and it did not involve going to an institution. What I needed was therapy and medication. The therapy gave me a lot of relief. The medication also gave me a lot of relief. If you have not seen a psychiatrist I hope you will. And if you saw one but did not like the person then go to another. I began treatment in 1983 but today many psychiatrist only do medication management. If you find one that does the talk therapy and medication that is the best of all worlds.But if the person does medication management only then you will need that and also go to a psychologist. If you do not have insurance, find a way to pay for it even if you have to borrow money. Otherwise you may continue to suffer for the rest of your life. Emotional suffering can be worse than physical suffering. And if you do not have insurance like I said, after treatment you will be Far more functional and productive and able to pay that money back.

I honestly feel like I'm going crazy sometimes with anxiety and panic attacks, nothing feels like it's helping and no matter what advice I take from my therapist I still constantly have fear. I have chest pain constantly and have had many, many, many trips to the ER and cardiologist and several tests done and things to rule out my heart but no matter what I always feel like it is my heart and I have these impending doom thoughts and sometimes I get so scared of the pain that I can't sleep or am afraid to sleep and it's getting to the point when I go to ER with these symptoms, they do an EKG and tell me I'm fine, sending me home, sometimes blood work is done but not always. I've been to several ER departments trying to find out if there is any cause but any of them tell me everything is normal and to follow up with my PCP but they can't even tell me what it could be. I feel like a lost cause sometimes. I just have no idea what to do anymore with these feelings. I just wish I could go one day without feeling this pain or feeling like something awful is going to happen to me. I really hope I don't sound like a maniac.