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Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)
Men's Health | Last Active: Jan 23 8:44pm | Replies (220)Comment receiving replies
This is a 10 year old post so I'm sure you've experienced a lot of changes during that time but I just stumbled on it. I want to comment in case it can be helpful to anyone.
My marriage went sexless in 2007 after my spouse had a radical prostatectomy, making him totally impotent. He lost all desire and rejected me.
We went to couples therapy and it helped some at the time but his rejection and lack of desire never changed..
I sucked it up and decided sex wasn't the most important thing, even though I have a very healthy libido, but now all these years later I realized I've been repressing my own needs.
It has led to more communication, a little action, but I'm getting pretty fed up. He just doesn't think about it unless I do all the work.
The sad thing is, I love him dearly. I love our life together. But now over a dozen years later living in forced celibacy, I'm depressed. Communication hasn't made a big difference.
He doesn't even effort to read, research, understand. It's pretty unfair.
We've been together over 20 years. Those who have not been through this really are clueless as to how challenging it is. It has only worked in my marriage because I agreed to live celibate with this man. Not by choice.
Physical intimacy with us is rare. Emotional intimacy is stable, I'd say. But I realized recently that this is not ok with me anymore.
I don't know what the fate of your marriage ended up being but can it survive? Sure. At what cost? I don't know.
Replies to "This is a 10 year old post so I'm sure you've experienced a lot of changes..."
Hello @zia123 and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Thank you for joining this discussion and sharing your life and experience through the lens of the spouse. The way in which you shared what you have both gone through in your marriage shows the love you both have for one another and the struggle as well.
I see that @marbee21 has reached out to you and responded so will let the pair of you connect more.
You said you recently realized you are not ok with a sexless marriage so I am wondering how you feel you are going to move forward?
Zia123, I wish I could give you a hug. I honestly felt like crying after reading your post. Nobody deserves to live in a loveless marriage. You deserve so much more. You are more than welcome to reach out and talk, if you want. Sending gentle hugs.💖
My partner and I haven’t had intercourse in almost five years and we’ve been together for 18. He’s had health issues for a number of years, hitting its peak with colorectal cancer around a year ago. He has endless complications and is more or less in pain somewhere all the time. Everything in your post from ‘I sucked it up’ until the end is where I am right now. I’m also angry that he made very little effort to rectify this while he was able to. There is a 22 year age gap between us and we’re not married. Did you manage to find anything that turned the tables for you in the end? I could use some light in this long dark tunnel I am facing.
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Wow... As I was reading your comment, I actually felt your emotions. Yes you love your husband dearly.
Years earlier I was in a relationship were my partner did not satisfy me at all. I couldn't even feel him when he penetrated me. The reason I stayed was that I loved him. We broke up for whatever reason, and he wanted to get back together. I honestly said to him "No because you never satisfied me sexually. I loved you then now I don't. If we get back together, I probably will cheat"
Zia I've done as you have trying to get your partner aroused. Eventually that gets old. At the moment it makes you feel as though you're the one that's desperate and needy. After all the effort and no action makes us feel rejected.
With my frame of mind I would feel guilty if I left my husband because the sex was none. Only because I have love for the man.
@zia I wish you well.
Marbee