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Dealing with verbal abuse: Any suggestions?
Caregivers | Last Active: Sep 15, 2023 | Replies (41)Comment receiving replies
My husband was a cancer patient for 5 years. He tried to be abusive but I stopped this right away. I think one thing is losing their ability to function and don't like losing control. He was an heavy drinker but never on the job. He had a to cut back on alcohol. He probably could have lived a lot longer but didn't like the MD cutting his alcohol. He made the choice to stop chemo. His body, his choice. One vn year later bone cancer. New MD, great person, set him straight on drinking. She told him she had patients who wanted to live, don't waste my time. He is shaking so hard to handle a glass. I was pouring his pop fir him and he hit my hand hard. I picked up my purse and walked out of the restaurant. They couldn't find me. I was in my car. He came out. I didn't help him. Fold your bv walker, get in vehicle by yourself, seat belt by yourself. Never go out vn to dinner or lunch again. Want to get his prescription. I gave him the check book. I didn't help. I stopped cooking and no more help. I told him, if you ever touch me again, you will have to get another caregiver. I am done. No more problems. They have people who will help, insurance should help. The MDs and staff helped me and I received free training for his dual Hickman port. I had an LVN certificate but didn't stay in medical field.
When he starts being abusive, pick up your purse and walk out. If he isn't able to be alone find someone to help you walk away.
Prayers. No more problems with his abuse.
Replies to "My husband was a cancer patient for 5 years. He tried to be abusive but I..."
My husband, 89, has dementia. For all of our married life he used silence and refusing to eat in order to 'control' me. I found it easier do basically do as he wished and then he was loving. But I gave up part of myself.
The dementia has triggered more anger and verbal abuse. We moved in with my daughter as I could no longer care for him by myself. Her advice was to walk away when he got abusive. And she would go with me. Sometimes it was really hard, like when he fell. After making sure he hadn't suffered any injuries in the fall we tried to help him get up. He wouldn't listen to us - wanted us to pull him up! He weighs about 200 lbs - I'm 5'3" - Robin just had foot surgery on both feet and wasn't even supposed to be standing. When we told him we couldn't do that he turned completely beyond even X-rated language. Gave him a pillow and blanket and went outside with a cup of coffee. Later he listened to our suggestions. Twice since then we did have to call 911 - other than a cut on the head once (no stitches) he was okay. By the next day he was all sweetness and light. But, unfortunately, in his state that only tends to last until he demands something and I don't jump, or jump fast enough. Old habits are hard to break.
Suggest someone you can go to, if only for coffee or a walk when he gets abusive. Prayers are with you.
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My husband had not been physically or verbally abusive; he was passive/aggressive when he would get angry (not talk to me for a couple days). After developing Alzheimer's, he tried to start calling me names. From a safe physical distance (one doesn't know how the disease will cause him to behave), I called him by his entire name, telling him that such language was not appropriate, we NEVER talk that way to anyone. No name calling is allowed. He looked startled, stopped. A couple days later he tried it again. Same conversation. I told him he had the right to dislike a behavior, the right to disagree but no name calling was allowed--from either of us--the only names we have ever used are loving names. The emotional message reached him; did not do it again.