@peach414144
As a mentor with this outstanding forum centered around caring, empathy and hope, I’m moved and humbled daily by the stories and journeys fellow members share. I do my best to respond with compassion, honesty and factual answers. I freely admit, there are times when I’m reduced to tears and overcome with emotion. This response from you is one of those times. I simply want to reach through this computer and hug you.

I don’t know how I missed your previous post in this conversation and for that I’m genuinely sorry. Reading through several of your responses in other groups, as well as this one today, I can feel your despair with the overwhelming number of medical issues you have happening at this time. And I can feel you’re also carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders with concerns for longevity of our planet, its population of people, critters, and resources. No wonder you feel helpless and hopeless.

You’ve been in the Connect family for many years and obviously have helped numerous members with sharing your stories and experiences. Since I’m not often in the groups where you’ve posted, I don’t know a lot about you. Do you live alone in your own home? Are you in an assisted living community? Would that be an option for you?
Any family members, friends or neighbors who call on you regularly?

With your eyesight failing it’s understandable to be frightened and I’m saddened to think that you’re alone. You’re obviously in a great deal of discomfort daily and have some critical medical issues. I’m encouraged that you have this inherently strong sense of survival. In our house we call it “the spirit of endurance”. To enjoy those seemingly small moments of pleasure, such as sitting in the sunshine, indulging in the colors and beauty of nature around us, to share contact with another human being or a beloved pet, is so important and leave a huge positive impact on our psyche.

Since you enjoy nature you might like our group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/whats-outside-of-your-picture-window-today/
We leave the medical world behind and post photos of the beauty around us. It provides a wonderful distraction and helps boost morale.

As I close this lengthy message it is important to address the pancytopenia. Your bone marrow is deficient in producing red/white blood cells and platelets, which directly impacts your immune system.This sets you up for the continued threat of infections and autoimmune responses. I’m so sorry for what you’re having to endure with your list of medical diseases.

Have you spoken with your primary care provider regarding palliative care? Palliative care is not an ‘end of life’ or hospice situation. Palliative care (known as palliative medicine) addresses symptoms directly to improve how the patient feels regardless of the cause. It’s specialized medical care for people living with serious illness and focuses on providing relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness—whatever the diagnosis. The goal is to improve quality of life for both the patient and the family.

We’ll be speaking again. As you can see, I’m long winded. 😉 Hugs, Lori