Please consider my suggestion to come in as a low in its' intensity, but caring, since it does not directly answer you comments.
It might be worthwhile to invest a bit of the control that you have in trying to concentrate on what you can control, and the positives that you can reach and latch onto, as limited as they me be. Focusing on what you can't control may just be somewhat wasteful of the limited controls that you have available to you at this time. try to exert you "freedom of will" to whatever extent it is within your power.

Best.