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Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Lung Cancer | Last Active: Aug 5 8:32am | Replies (213)

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@rits

Hi there fellow copder. Yep it's a pia but it is what it is.
I have severe copd and if that's not enough, my poor decrepit lungs also have bronchiectasis and pseudomonas (a nasty drug resistant bacteria)
I have lots of sputum and spend an hour every morning and another one every evening doing airway clearance . Don't ask.
You don't want to know!
But with all that I don't desaturate and consequently am not on supp O2. I just helped my housekeeper put the laundry away and am sitting here recovering my breath. O2 96% on room air. Sometimes I wish I could turn it up and breathe better.
( housekeeper? Yes. I started saving for home health care when I was diagnosed with severe copd in 2010. No nursing home for me. Without being able to travel or eat out or spend much money there's plenty in that account. I live alone and no way could clean this place)

I also have had two cancers, the second one caused by extensive radiation for the first one and have terrible digestive issues as a result .

But with all that and a clearly limited quality of life, I do have pleasure in my life. There is so much to watch and to read . And so many interesting people to meet on support groups .

And silly optimist that I am I always hope it will get better. Summer is almost here.

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Replies to "Hi there fellow copder. Yep it's a pia but it is what it is. I have..."

@rits- Good morning. Hope is gold. It is what keeps us going. I think that success stories give us hope. Everyone on Connect, in one way or another, gives us hope! Is it a feeling of trust? Or maybe it is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen? Or the possibility or likelihood of some future event occurring because it has in the past with someone?