@donnakarp Good for you. Let her know you would welcome a chance to open communication, and discuss things without judgment. I have been where you are, in situations with my family, and it can be a lonesome place for all involved. To not be cowed by someone else's behavior takes strength. The funerals were a time of high emotions, and sometimes people are not aware how they are presenting themselves while they hurt deeply.

You're right about contempt, and in order to make peace in our own hearts, we can only try to calm the situation. If it doesn't work out, you know you yourself have done what you could.
Gentle hugs,
Ginger