How incredibly difficult. My parents were married for 63 years when Daddy died and I too have longevity built in. I am not sure I'm doing well either but as long as there is breath there is life and a chance. I have learned to believe in miracles of sort and the fact that I have not died is one. I believe in telling our story because big deals cannot be hidden or denied. Such incredible pain is much like childbirth. My ob-gyn told me once that childbearing and birthing are the most life threatening things a woman can go through. For me personally, the ongoing trauma of such loss as yours and mine has the potential to threaten our lives also. We have to get through to the other side where there there is life again. I will pray for you right now. (another piece of what I have had to learn to do just to keep breathing). We are not dead yet.