I am so sorry- my own miscarriage was approx 10 weeks in. So gut-wrenchingly sad I know. It took me a long time to get through that, oh I felt lonely, couldn't justify it in my mind either. It was compounded by the fact it was 2 days before Christmas-I put away the little booties I bought, cried alot, and overly loved the children I did have. Then one day it seemed maybe I didn't cry as much, little better another day. I was a wreck when a couple years later I became pregnant again- I was so nervous the entire time. But it did go ok. I will tell you that the following Christmas, I started putting those little booties on our tree- to honor that little baby who was sitting in the hands of Jesus! I guess that thought helped me the most. But allow yourself to grieve- you've lost a child and the pain is real- and while it may always be present in some way, the intensity will abate. I wish you luck.