It sounds familiar to me (including being reluctant to use drugs). I too just continue. Over the last years, decades, so much happened and I never got the chance to get over one before the next started. It felt as if I was in the rain all the time. Sometimes the sun would shine and I would think 'maybe...' and then something bad happened again. It's not as if those were trivial things like breaking a nail. It was things like losing people, finding out something about a parent, losing pets, being with someone aggressive and abusive for a long time, breaking things, surgery, being ripped off, losing all my income, and much more.
I too feel disconnected when I just drone on. What snaps me out of that mode is when one of my cats is cute. Or I taste a very ripe fig from my garden, or see a bold daisy defying all odds. But I admit things have worn me down a lot. I survive and that's all I can do. Therapy helps against the most painful trauma but the rest will have to heal by understanding and getting strong enough to 'not do that again'.