My donor was initially anonymous, my doctor wouldn't even tell me the gender. Then her parents sent me a letter, signed their names and mentioned hers. They disclosed quite a bit, and since then I have learned a lot more because her widower has been very vocal about her death - she should never have died, it was terrible mishandling by the hospital she went to. They are trying to pass a law in MA to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again.
It really troubles me so much to know the circumstances of her death, I get tears in my eyes whenever I think of her, and I pray that her father and widower find peace. Her mother passed away last summer. The parallels between her and my own daughter were remarkable -- same name, same age, both petite (5'3") and same profession. I don't how I would manage if something like this happened to my daughter, or my son. The incredible similarities just make it so much more painful.
JK