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Dorisena, This is exactly what I needed to see... your response. I moved to our second bedroom last night with the door locked! My husband and I had a nice outing then came home to be shouted at about who knows what. His mood changes on a dime. I found out he bought a gun... his first although he did have one my father had given him. We took it when he was first diagnosed and didn’t miss it. My son who is in law enforcement tried to reason with him to get it away, but he fefused. We changed the lock on the case. My husband said he wanted to go target shooting since he can no longer fly a plane or play golf. Friends have disappeared. His Mayo neurologist did not make a big deal of the gun—- he compared it to a fishing pole. My husband was a high ranking officer in the military so I guess his Mayo doc thought he was used to guns... not!! My husband carried a gun on a three month mission otherwise had to go to the firing range once a year to qualify. Never hunted, never went target shooting.
I am frightened of my husband’s frequent mood changes. I am tired of living afraid. He has only been verbally abusive, not physical yet. Our physician told me to take him to the VA yesterday telling my husband it was for back pain he is constantly complaining of... had surgery on back in December. I was then to tell the VA doc I feared for his safety and mine. He would not go. I don’t know what to do. Divorce because an anoxic brain injury broke an otherwise good man and father? I am at a loss.
I too have to stay on top of cleaning out the fridge. Caught him eating old sliced turkey but why should I care? Won’t let me pay the bills or do them together. I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. My nerves are shot!
Forgive typos. I have eye problems.
Replies to "Dorisena, This is exactly what I needed to see... your response. I moved to our second..."
Hi @janeejane, I'm glad that you found this article useful and have connected with members like @dorisena, who has personal experience to share with you.
Having to navigate frequent mood changes and never knowing what to expect are exhausting. No wonder your nerves are frayed. I know that many on Connect have had to manage such conditions, and that you have been getting some ideas from other members here and in the Caregivers group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/ where this is a common topic of discussion.
However, abuse is never okay, even if the disease may be (part of) the underlying cause. You must keep yourself safe. And I see that you are taking steps to do that. You may also wish to visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website http://www.thehotline.org/ On this website you will find tips and resources, as well as a phone number to call 1-800-799-7233 or you can use the online chat and get help without saying a word. By calling the Hotline, you can work with professionals to find a safety solution that is right for you.
A gun is something to take seriously. Am I correct in understanding that your husband no longer has access to the gun because the case lock has been changed? Do you keep the ammunition locked up separately?
Do you get respite from caregiving?
@dorisena a lot of this sounds familiar. My hubby is very suspicious and it has been impossible to get him a good diagnosis. Doctors don't see him at his worst. The verbal anger recently turned physical and he swung his walker at me 3 or 4 times. I was surprised he didn't fall. A few days later he was diagnosed with a uti and I think that may have been the culprit. I'm in Washington state and a social worker told us that my mom could call Adult Protective Services if we needed help putting him into memory care. Fortunately, he didn't fight uson this. I wonder if your state has a similar agency? Maybe your dr. can refer you to a social worker?
Praying you get to a safe place. One should not have to live in fear like this.
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Yes, I am willing to share my experiences and how I managed to live through the problem. I wrote a reply but it was too long for the space so I lost it. The HIPPA law allows a patient to refuse treatment and drive his family nuts if he chooses. A compulsive spouse will come after you even if you try to use the court, and most judges are not qualified to make a judgment about mental disease. Feel free to private message me. I can be supportive, at least. My husband wanted to take me to the Grand Canyon to see the beautiful view, and I had already been there and knew I would never come back except perhaps in a box so I used my bad back as an excuse not to accept his generous offer. He died of a tumor on the spine 12 years ago. He had diabetes, obesity, alcoholism, drug addiction due to pain, and was abusive, selfish and did not provide financially well enough for me to make ends meet. He was a con artist businessman and the church was full at the funeral. Dorisena