@mariabrat. We’re getting way ahead of ourselves on this discussion. The results of the BMX haven’t been revealed and we’re already looking at worst outcome. See what I mean about this being a dangerous time for head games? LOL
So, let’s just focus on getting your head in a good place with some mindfulness ideas. They’re great for our essential wellbeing anytime and help us deal with our daily lives.

There are a lot of motivational speakers on YouTube and podcasts. I’d listen around to see who appeals to you most.
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Sam Harris has numerous youtube videos
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David Gandleman is excellent! A free app with his podcasts: https://insighttimer.com/groundedmind
Also he has videos on youtube and his website DavidGandleman.com
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Another free App is Headspace.

You mentioned that you now live abroad...meaning you left home from a considerable distance. Did you do this on your own? That takes moxie! So I know you have the ability to forge new paths on your own. You’re strong and independent. But I know loneliness can sure leave you feeling vulnerable emotionally.
This pandemic really makes it difficult to keep ties with people. Do you work from home? Do you have friends nearby you can meet for walks? Have you talked with your parents?

I’m sorry you feel your new-ish partner might not be dependable should you need the support. How is your partner handling your concerns that you might be facing something significant?
Let’s keep positive thoughts that the biopsy will yield the best possible outcome. But if there is troubling news, it might be time for a heart to heart to let your partner know how scared you are and that you need to know if they can be counted on to help you get through a possible challenge ahead.

For now...listen to David Gandleman before bed at night. He’ll help you unwind.
Mother Nature is providing the best distractions during the day with all the birds and buds!