Hello Jenn. I have a glimpse as to how you are feeling. As many here have other issues ,cancer survivor, c.diff, glaucoma narrow angles, anxiety, tinnitus and extreme ear pain, and abusive first marriage and raising kids on low income .. and now a senior with strong internal shakes and have spent most of last few years in my bedroom: not looking for sympathy, but like you I don't know how I did it and now as a Senior, how I am going to get through it in future. I am so thankful I found this site because is is a mix of many ages and backgrounds and illnesses past present and coping with, survived, having issues with.... I feel for you because I too feel like I am dying inside or at least being poisoned.... I hear you and so will many others and hopefully get some needed understanding from other posters.. I feel I am a drain on my spouse and our household is not the same and I feel wont be again... I do have a mental health therapist phoning me once a month due to out of town and covid but I feel I need more than a monthly chat.... and conversing on here and giving and receiving advice has helped.... I dont know what else to say except my thoughts are with you ..... hugs, J.