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Lacy (@lacy2)

Demoralization or Depresssion ?

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Feb 24, 2021 | Replies (19)

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@lacy2

Thank you for the reply. I am a little out of my "comfort zone" talking about this as not that knowledgeable but I did have a lot of negatives happen to me in a relatively short period and have a past, like many I realize, with some very upsetting events in my past… and one day, after the c.diff, Glaucoma diagnosis and deaths of people I liked/loved, and months long ingestion of vancomycin; one day Nov.2018 i just didn't have the strength to get out of bed which had never happened before and rather than repeat the story here again, I just felt my cup was not half empty nor half full but was either completely empty or had spilled over and this lasted almost two years and with age and other health issues and history of what I was told was depression, i took a double-look at the word demoralization when it popped up a week or so ago, and the case history – and when they addressed the pain and suffering he rallied a bit….and for first time thought maybe there is more hope for me than I thought. Lying in or on one's bed searching for suicide methods is not conducive to recovery but I felt I was out of options and at my age don't want to wake up and not be able to see or walk or —- I know this sounds mixed up but when physical and mental issues going on, overlapping each other, I sometimes don't even know who I really am any more but when force to make a move when husband in hospital 3 weeks I had to get up and get going, in small ways, but it broke the cycle… just still on a tightrope right now.

Am sorry you have suffered so long too….I feel I painted myself into a corner and the paint never dried!

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Replies to "Thank you for the reply. I am a little out of my "comfort zone" talking about..."

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I once attempted to end my suffering permanently. Never again. I encountered people who were trying to help me that were so much less informed and under educated about my condition, I vowed never to let them near me again. I had the audacity to argue with a doctor who changed my medication every three to five days when I didn’t get well immediately, then labeled me a difficult patient. I asked for a young male doctor who listened and helped me. It turns out the other doctor was overdosing me quite a bit. You will get better, not all the time, but for periods of time you will get better. I have lived with these swings and have learned to hide and read when I am down, and sometimes just sleep for a couple of days. I look forward to the up days and make the most of them. When I’m down, I plan and write down the wonderful things I’m going to do when I have good days again. I fight till I collapse. I pray a lot. I read my bible. I’ve stopped making to do lists of chores; I find them depressing. I only write down things I want to do. Just keep pushing, keep fighting, even when you can hardly move your feet. Keep writing in when you need to. I take care of a disabled veteran, so there’s lots of social stuff I miss out on. I get it. You’re not alone. I need to say this just as much as you need to hear it. It always works two ways. I’ll pray for you. Please pray for me if you are so inclined. Spring is coming, and that will be glorious—even if you cry every time you see a daffodil! Much love, my fellow imperfect human.

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