@led. I wanted to say something else and repeat something I said before. I was in graduate school when I had my first bout of depression. I could NOT concentrate on my studies, was exhausted all the time, had no energy, felt worthless, and could not do the work. It had nothing to do with my being lazy, irresponsible, not worthy to be there, etc. I was suffering from an illness that changed my brain chemistry and overtook my life. I dropped out, concentrated on getting well, and went back to graduate school when my depression subsided, and did very well. I am really worried about you and what might happen if you fail your exams and have to repeat a year. If that happens, it will not be the end of the world. You are not a failure, you just failed your exams because you have an illness that zapped all your energy, changed your brain chemistry, and took over your life. You have your whole life ahead of you; and I can say as an older person of 74 years having to repeat a year over the course of a lifetime isn't very significant. You may not have received a diagnosis of clinical depression from a trained professional, as some people on this thread implied. However, in my opinion, from reading what you yourself said, from having experienced two episodes of major depression myself, and from having read extensively about depression, I think you are. If you are, it is not something you can will away. It is a medical problem and will not go away by itself. You have to get help, which includes getting a proper diagnosis from a doctor. I reached out for help from a medical doctor who prescribed antidepressants, a therapist and a depression support group, all of whom helped me get over my first bout of depression. You said you couldn't reach out to people for help now because your exams are so close. Will you reach out for help after your exams? I really liked what Hank wrote, and it brought back memories of what my life was like during my first years of college. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and it is pretty unrealistic to think a young person would know this. I didn't figure it out until I was in my late 30s and had had a lot of different jobs over the years leading me in the direction of what I really wanted to do. My parents continually pressured me to study business so I could get a proper job. I knew they loved me and were concerned about my future, but it wasn't what I wanted to do. I think that was what Erika was saying that you misunderstood. She was encouraging you to discover what you want to do, which might not be a doctor. Your English is really good, by the way. I watched a show last week about the new Egyptian museum at Giza and have been totally amazed to read about the new tomb findings in Egypt. I would love to come back someday but think I'm an armchair traveler now. I totally believe knowledge is power and encourage you to read as much you can about depression. I don't think you realize yet what a terrible disease it is and that it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are or your selfworth. Depression depletes your energy and makes you exhausted, but that doesn't mean you are a lazy person. Depression makes it impossible to concentrate on your studies, but that doesn't mean you are frivolous or irresponsible or don't deserve to be in medical school. Do you see what I mean? I hope some of these ramblings make sense to you. Take care. Nancy