Hi led. This morning, checking emails and this site and honestly I have no idea why I chose to tell my story about my neck injury.. it's not helping your original post is it...but I think in response to someone mentioning traumatic things in our past..but you may know that as we get older our short term memory is not so good but, to the frustration of our children, we can recite so much details from the past! I noticed on a post about something completely different this morning a man wrote under his name:
....... some roads are stone over gold; some roads are stone over stone: keep walking -
Caught my attention, what more can we do, what more do we "have" to do but keep going... we know what the other "choice" is.

You commented on the tone of conversation/replies on here and as they say "it is what it is" - different ages, different backgrounds, but with one goal in mind, IMO, to vent, to ask for help, to be offered help, to tell our stories, guidance, short or long, to sympathize ...etc. None of us have been in your shoes but each in our own way perhaps conveying that most of us have shouldered burdens, mental, physical... family comparisons, etc. Thats what I used to do and still do to a point; compare myself with people who are happier, healthier, smarter, prettier, calmer.. the list goes on: I feel I just don't measure up. However, I always compare with those with traits above me, I don't compare myself with those who are sadder, more ill, less educated, etc: why is that?

While I was on my bed even participating in this web site last evening, my husband was downstaris watching some tv show about trucks stuck on highways in snow storms; men catching snakes in the Florida everglades etc. he is "enjoying" himself, bowl of chips, maybe glass of wine - he is "content" . Worked hard all his life, parents one was nice/alcoholic, bully Dad , but he never talks about them (passed away now) good or bad nor relates stories from the past as I do. Recently he had open heart surgery and hemothorax they didn't notice so he couldn't hardly breath for 4 weeks.... does he moan about it? No. Whereas I am still telling stories about walnuts!

Maybe "led" you see others as better than you, stronger than you, and so on: yet you really don't know what is going on inside their heads... maybe they do not tell you of their fears and worries and, possibly, they don't have any: lucky them! Just quickly, I was in a small group with a leader discussing how we cope with anxiety...I added my thoughts... but the next two older folk looked puzzled... as if to say "what's anxiety".... they had no coping mechanism as had not I suppose labelled their life's issues as anxiety: it wasnt my place to do so, but I would have liked to find out more.... didn't they realize they "should" be anxious about "something."!!!!!!

Bouncing off the words you said about being scared about your health: last week I thought to myself about my illnesses: either I am sicker than I think I am, or am better than I think I am.. and I then thought: why am I even tormenting myself with this?

Best of luck in the future... maybe try some gentle short meditation or listed to relaxation tapes and give our minds a deserved rest?

J. (Ontario, Canada)

@led No, there isn't something "wrong" with you. I think we should first consider that most of the people on Connect are American, and some are Canadian. I'm not sure where you are but I can tell you that the vast majority of Americans are not as concerned about pleasing their parents and duty, as you seem to express. Neither is wrong or right, but different. Advice here is being conveyed from another cultural lens/perspective (American).

When you express feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, Americans take this as a sign that you need mental health services. Mental health issues are much more socially acceptable here than most places. I would say a good portion of the population goes to counseling or seeks a medical professional for mental health medications at some point in their life.

From my American cultural perspective, it sounds like you are not passionate about school and/or medical school may not be the right place for you. It's either too difficult or it just isn't right. I don't exactly know what that must be like for you but I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless. Everyone has specific talents and passions and in my opinion, it is a parent's job to help you self-actualize into the best and most authentic person you can be. Again, this is my American perspective that stresses individuality over the group. I know this is not how most cultures operate. (I have a degree in Anthropology and Counseling).

Regardless of the culture, I think it is safe to say that even if medical school isn't right, you still have a life worth living. You are a unique person that has something to give the world and you are deserving of fulfillment.

I'm going to quote Einstein. Have you heard the quote....

Everybody is a genius . But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

I use this quote to reiterate, not everyone is the same. You are not your siblings. You are unique. You are not better or worse.

I hope that you find a path that allows you to express and realize your unique personality to its fullest potential.

As a side note, is there anyone that you can talk to at the school. Are there any therapist or guidance professionals?

@led
I am not sure I can add much value to what others have replied to you already. I read your posts and most of the others also. Here is what I can offer you. I was a very mixed up and depressed young person. I met my wife at age 25 and we married. She started from day one asking me all kinds of questions about myself. I learned more about myself in the first 6 months of knowing her than I had learned in the first 25 years. She turned out to be the best therapist for me, and I had never even thought to seek out a therapist.

My basic point is that I think you could be benefitted greatly if you could find a therapist to help you figure yourself out and get to know yourself better. Why do you have the thoughts and feelings you have? Why do you often tend to put yourself down (as you seem to)? Questions like this often have answers that are discoverable. These answers can lead to you starting to do positive things to work on your mental/emotional problems. Try to find a smart and caring therapist. Easy to say, less easy to do. But if you can find the right person, maybe it could help you discover a lot of things about yourself you had no idea about. That is what happened to me. Best, Hank