Hello, @lacy2
It's so nice of you to say this and talk about what you had gone through. I hope you're doing great. God bless you and keep you safe and well <3.
I'm so sorry for what imma bout to say but to be honest,
It's strange how I get to feel even more worthless when I read it hear someone's story and the struggles they had. Probably I didn't face that, didn't lose this, etc (could have been much worse). Mostly an easier life (spoiled??) than many people, especially in this country. I basically don't know what being down actually is. Not proud of that.

I look at being depressed or not doing good at school as just as being ungrateful to what God and family gave me. I simply have no reason to complain. All my fault, that how responsibilities work. I wish I could be good in anything other than self-punishment. You know, "I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start studying", then the day passes and passes.
Do I really need treatment or just fail the year to finally act right?
I wish I could listen to what people say, "control your emotions and show them to the right people, love yourself, we all have a bad side,... "

*Edit*;
And still, feel this, my post, should be on a subReddit or something as it's not a big deal, or is it? I also become more anxious every time I read "get help, treatment, diagnose" is it really that dangerous?! Am I going through some psychological problem?!!