Dear Alice, you certainly have been put through the proverbial wringer at a tender age, and, although I'm a comparative oldster, I can emphasize with your feelings regarding more doctors and tests. It can feel overwhelming at times. We already have enough stress in our lives dealing with how Covid restrictions have changed our lives. Adding medical issues to that can take our breath away.
When I'm going through those medical phases, I grit my teeth and tell myself that, the sooner all the testing and doctor visits are behind me, the sooner I can get back to my life, such as it is. For me, anxiety and fear can lead to depression and depression can lead to abandoning self-care, so I have to watch myself like a hawk. But ignoring anxiety and fear also is dangerous. We all need someone with whom we can discuss those feelings and let off steam. It's not as though we need someone to tell us what to do — rather we need a neutral, understanding ear who serves as a sounding board. We'll sort it out for ourselves by talking it out over time.
If there isn't a family member who can serve in that capacity, perhaps there is a friend, or a pastor, or a counselor willing to speak to you over the phone on a regular basis. If a local church has a Stephen Ministry program, Stephen Ministers are trained to be good non-interferring listeners who will meet with you by telephone or Zoom on a regular basis until in-person restrictions are lifted. There also are local hotlines which can be helpful. It's a thought.
In the meantime, I wish you well and will be hoping for the best of outcomes for your health. Be as brave as you can muster.