@jimhd Terrible to say, but I cannot imagine handling brutal pain without suicidal thoughts. I have them all the time. On top of it all, I was a veterinary technician for a few years, and watched first hand, the kindness of euthanasia. I watched suffering ended immediately, and without trauma of any kind. It's called being humane. Something that never really caught on for us humans, except in a few states. Will I ever committ suicide? If I could be guaranteed to do it correctly, perhaps. That is maybe a terrible thing to say. I don't know. But what is the point in living this way? I am sorry you are so very low. I have no idea what to say, other than that I truly understand it. I do know that I am at least able to take my Kratom and distract myself from pain. Like you, physical activity helps a lot. But is this a life? I have no idea. Lori Renee