I understand where you are coming from dreading winter, being depressed, not communicating to well with your husband. I just want to say to you concerning religion: When I was very little, we went to church. I heard the word. The only thing is I knew the right way to live but didn't abide by it. Yes, the people who accept Jesus into their hearts and are saved know they will have a home in Heaven when they die. It is a place where there are no tears, no pain. It is a place where nothing but love abides. If you knew in your heart that you have a choice between living in paradise or living in hell, which would you choose? As an older adult I was baptized and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I do choose a city of love. When you read the Bible, I believe reading the New Testament is like being with Jesus. My Bible has his words in red. I love reading the Proverbs. I have a hard time concentrating so I don't read long periods of time. I like to read a Bible program off the computer. I love the Guideposts. It is short stories and they relate to every problem in life: depression, alcoholism, abuse, you name it, everyday problems people have. Did you ever get the magazine Reminisce? It's a good magazine. It talks about the 50's, 60's, 70's, etc. I had a subscription to it and so did my sister. My sisters were both very religious and such wonderful people. I could call either one of them and just talk. One of the died two years ago and one died last year. My best friend died the year before my sister--there went all my friends. Now I feel so alone. I have a husband but we seem to share a house. We have separate rooms, separate TV's. We do eat together most of the time, that's it. He goes to the store and gets all the groceries, goes after incidentals a lot. So, I am alone. My kids do not come. My grandkids used to come once in a while before the virus but they don't come anymore. I look at pictures sometimes. I lost a son to brain cancer and a daughter to chemical addiction. I have sleep apnea and woke myself up at three o'clock (am). I got out of bed and got on the computer. My husband is sleeping away in his room. We have two dogs and one isn't going to be with us very much longer. She is a darling shihtzu and sleeps in his room. Her son sleeps under my bed. They are the only ones who I talk to and are here for me. Joey will be ten in a couple of months. We don't know how old Gracie is because we got her from the dog pound. I hope you can understand my middle-of-the night rambling. I just want you to know there are so many depressed people in this world. I take the tests and my comes out clinically depressed. I have sleep apnea and cannot wear the mask because of the deviated septum I have. So, sometimes, like tonight, I wake myself up choking. It scares me so I get up. I never get enough sleep. I am like a walking zombie. I need back surgery and I don't ever want to get it. Pain goes down my leg into my foot. A lady I know who calls me about twice a year called me tonight to tell me her dog died and her old boyfriend had to have his leg amputated. I could have done without that phone call. DEPRESSING! Anytime you want to talk, just message me. God bless you.