With all due respect, you shouldn't be afraid of all psych meds. Granted, it takes some tweaking to find the ones that work for you. But they are out there. If it had not been for the work I've done in the past 30 years, I would not have found the combination that allows me to live a life today. I've accomplished quite a bit in my life. I held down a job for 40 years, I went to Afghanistan for two years with the DOS, I helped raise an amazing son (he was a captain in the army deployed to Iraq first with a tank platoon and then with a sniper platoon and now he is an FBI agent - perhaps he is the reason I was put on this earth; he has made a significant contribution to society), I started playing the piano when I was six, and I play moderately well - not Carnegie Hall mind you, but enough to satisfy me. Despite the pain, the depression, the anxiety, the family-of-origin PTSD, I've had a life thanks to my meds (and thanks very much to my husband of 46 years who has never turned his back on me). Don't lose hope; find a psychiatrist and psychologist you trust and work with them to find your answer. Keep you head up.