@mariajean03 I was married for 18 yrs and would say the last ten years were the worst for I didn't know him anymore with his drinking nor did I know myself. I even was hospitalized, but when I could think clearly again I made a list of what I needed to do to proceed with the divorce and keep me safe. I also had the help of a good therapist to help keep me focused and grounded. Once I was sure in my head about the divorce I was able to move forward.
Stay strong!