Death of my wife: Don't know how to move on

hello all. how are you doing? been a while just to update you that am doing very good. Am very happy and i have keep the memories but i have decided to move on for me. My first born daughter was accepted in the University school of medicine and am excited. I have put my life in the hands of Gods and will not panic over anything because i know my God will be my everything. I thank you all for what you put in my life and i appreciate. Chao for now hope to hear from you. I want to know how i can help someone out there who could be struggling after death of a loved one. I love you all.

I was the primary caregiver for my husband who was first dx with mild cognitive impairment about 15 years ago. As dementia set in, it was difficult to make medical decisions for him. He had non-Hodgekins lymphoma and Afib as well as heart failure. A cardiologist wanted to do surgery to put in a filter to catch blood clots. The hemotologist felt he would have to go back on chemo before any heart surgery.. Having been in a support group at the Alzheimer's Association I saw the results of people who had been hospitalized and that was not good. They never got back to the point they were at before hospitalization.
I knew his anxiety level was high, he had spent two days in the hospital due to being admitted for an irregular heart beat, no surgery. I had told both doctors no for further treatment. At the hospital the hemotologist that saw him suggested I enroll him in a home hospice program which I did. That was the end of August. He died January 2, 2020. As probably all caregivers of people with dementia know, I found it stressful in responding to him because I never knew who I was in his eyes..Sometmes I was his sister, his cousin, some unknown person. The Alzheimer's Association said to get in his world. Not knowing what world that was, I just responded as me. While driving him to an appointment, he said, "I'm so glad Barb isn't driving! When she drives I have to hold on for dear life." What could I do? I just laughed and agreed with him! Being a caregiver is an awesome job but we had talked about wanting to die at home years before and that home hospice program allowed for great home medical care and fulfillment of that desire. I do see a therapist and I have a marvelous PCP helping me through the grieving process but the greatest help for me by far is my spiritual life and dependency on God for comfort and healing. May you open up your faith life to a new level to help you during this time.

@charlieindia @barbbie I first wanted to comment to Charlie what a wonderful message you sent to Barbbie. I bless you Barbbie. I know how hard it can be, like I told Charlieindia I lost my first husband in a car accident. I was only 18 and we were married for only 11 days. But it must really hard what you went through. I want to repeat Charlie's words. God is with you and don't do like I did and hated him . but I have been back with him for many years. I will keep you in my thoughts and prays. Charlieindia, I will do the same for you.

Compliments of the season to you friends. i always think about you. God bless you.