I was the primary caregiver for my husband who was first dx with mild cognitive impairment about 15 years ago. As dementia set in, it was difficult to make medical decisions for him. He had non-Hodgekins lymphoma and Afib as well as heart failure. A cardiologist wanted to do surgery to put in a filter to catch blood clots. The hemotologist felt he would have to go back on chemo before any heart surgery.. Having been in a support group at the Alzheimer's Association I saw the results of people who had been hospitalized and that was not good. They never got back to the point they were at before hospitalization.
I knew his anxiety level was high, he had spent two days in the hospital due to being admitted for an irregular heart beat, no surgery. I had told both doctors no for further treatment. At the hospital the hemotologist that saw him suggested I enroll him in a home hospice program which I did. That was the end of August. He died January 2, 2020. As probably all caregivers of people with dementia know, I found it stressful in responding to him because I never knew who I was in his eyes..Sometmes I was his sister, his cousin, some unknown person. The Alzheimer's Association said to get in his world. Not knowing what world that was, I just responded as me. While driving him to an appointment, he said, "I'm so glad Barb isn't driving! When she drives I have to hold on for dear life." What could I do? I just laughed and agreed with him! Being a caregiver is an awesome job but we had talked about wanting to die at home years before and that home hospice program allowed for great home medical care and fulfillment of that desire. I do see a therapist and I have a marvelous PCP helping me through the grieving process but the greatest help for me by far is my spiritual life and dependency on God for comfort and healing. May you open up your faith life to a new level to help you during this time.