Hello @charlieindia I am sorry to read of the loss of your wife. I am Scott and I lost my wife a couple years ago after her 14+ year war with brain cancer. During those years I was her caregiver and also often had feelings, which still surface, that I could have, or should have, done more than I did. Guilt, doubt, and anxiety are emotions all too common of with caregivers I believe! We do our best in each situation and each day, but often I would find myself questioning if it had been enough when I'd finally fall, exhausted, into bed. Now I like to say 'superheroes only exist in he comics! Superman and Wonder Woman weren't caregivers!'

You also touch on another subject I struggle with, which is grief. Early on I got sucked into the belief one had to follow someone's supposed 'steps of grief' that are often promoted to us as the right or only way to grieve. It wasn't until I threw that book away that I personally started to believe one's grieving is as unique as was the love we hold for our lost loved one. I became much less anxious over how I was feeling each day once I accepted I could grieve in my own, unique way and that was just fine. I continue to take my grieving slow and as it occur in my life. After all the years I had done nothing but be a caregiver, I began a list of things I could do that I had put off. Wrote letters to friends, visited our adult children, read books, did a few way overdue home maintenance projects, and eventually expanded (pre-pandemic) to visiting a couple of distant friends who had been stalwart supporters of my wife and/or me.

I also discovered Connect and the Caregiver group, which allowed me to open up far more about caregiving and my feelings as an electronic form of therapy, which works for me. I hope to read more from you in the future!

Unfortunately I have no advice on dating. Personally, I'm comfortable right now with my life. I am lucky to have a couple good friends and since March have been called on to take care of additional family members in need during the pandemic. Also I have found (again probably just me) that after so many years of constantly being on call 24/7/365 as a caregiver I enjoy being just in charge of me.

Strength, Courage, and Peace