@charlieindia I am so sorry for you after the lost of your wife. I know you did everything for her for I can tell you are very loving person.
My experience of death was at age 18. I loved my husband and he ran around a lot, but did marry me, I loved him so much. He died of a car accident only after 11 days of being married and our best friend, who was only a Senior in High school, also died with him. Of course this has been 50 years ago. 1969. They will always be in my heart. My mom commited suicide at age 69. I had lots of counseling.
So is that something you might want to do? It does help. I got remarried in 1971 almost too soon, so don't be in a hurry, but do start being friends with women that attract you. It's not too much of a chance they would die before you. I know it's scary. You may have to see a Psychitrist it wouldn't be bad to start on some medicine, since you do sound depressed. I am on Lexapro, Lamicatal, and klonopin. My family has mental illness in our family..
Even my son who is Bipolar 1 and we have no contact with him There's many things before that could have caused it. Bipolar 1. He had a wife who is controlling, I'm glad she's with him, but I feel that's one reason we no contact. They have an 8 year old daughter, which was born on my birthday. I haven't seen her since she was 3, except for skyping at her grand mothers in Chicago But this year my son and his wife with my granddaughter are not going to Chicago because of the Covid-19. They are both professors, but my son can't teach because of his illness, but his wife is a very successful and got her tenour (SP) at Duke, but live in NYC now and she at Columbia. She even talked my son out of coming to Iowa for hie grandmothers funeral. We can't mail anything to them and have to mail it to the other grandmother in Chicago and she forwards it.to my Marlowe (granddaughter
I'm sorry for talkng so much about me. Take care, You will be in my thoughts and prayers.