@marjou From what I understand from your message is that you are Bipolar 1? Mental illness runs in our family and my mom committed suicide at age 69. My son is the one fighting the devil now. He has his PHD, but can't teach, because of his Bipolar 1. His wife also has her PHD and is very successful. I do fill that she is controlling and controlling our son and granddaughter, we have no contacts with them. I am depressive and anxiety, my daughter the same, plus other factors like being very over weight. Most of other family members have some type of mental illness. It is very inherited. I just got home 2 weeks ago from a 9 hour fusion back surgery from T-10 to my pelvis. Had Pinched nerves plus other problems. I am still recovering and it takes time. Blessings and Prayers are sent your way.