Caregiver - Stroke Need Assistant ASAP

sorry to here. I am 58 and had a stroke at work when I was 53. I am back at work full time. I get tried very easy and I have being having a more difficult time stay calm when I can't do things easy anymore.Don't know what caused it. I take one baby chewable aspirin daily. It is not much but it can help thin blood some and it would be ok for all. I am not a doctor so check with yours(everyone's). Make a chart for drugs and time to help remember and be able to look at time. I try to go to support groups some have fun activities you may or they may not of thought about doing. Things are not the same as before the stroke and you can't tell I had one unless I tell you. Also who has power to help mom and dad and then make sure that person has backup because you never know what can happen. I can go on and on. Hugs everything changes sec-mintues-daily.

@jbarnum01 Im sorry to hear about your Dad,s condition. This is tough for sure . When you Dad goes to the Dr. I would suggest your Mom go with him if he doesn't ask questions she should . Write down everything you said here about his condition now and see what the Dr suggest to you . Sometimes a loved one gets burnt out and needs some help . Does your Dad require 24/7 care then you should consider what is best for him and ultimately for you also . I,ve been through this situation only with Alzheimers and my Mom I,m not saying this to you to be mean but with reality . Good luck I,ll be praying for you .

Hi @jbarnum01 I am Scott and while I am sorry to read of your dad's health issues, I am glad you found Connect and this caregivers group! I was my wife’s caregiver during her 14+ year war with brain cancer and have had a stoke myself. Sound like your dad, mom, and you have your hands full and more!

One of the many challenges of caregiving is that each patient, their illness, and their path is unique. That said I'm hopeful some of the lessons I learned as a caregiver might be of help.

While I'm not any kind of medical professional, many of the symptoms you describe are similar to the stroke-like effects my wife had and I struggled with. The first thing I had to do was grow thick skin and not care what other folks were saying about my wife, etc. when we went out. It is often hard to remember it is the disease taking and not the pre-disease person. Our grandchildren came to understand grandma was sick and it helped them develop more empathy over time. It is very easy to get totally isolated with being a patient/caregiver with chronic illness. Yes, lots of people commented on my wife’s actions, abilities, inabilities, and her language. However, taking her to get out of the house was far more beneficial to her and me and I learned to either hold my tongue or at times simply look at someone who had been rude and say “yes, brain cancer is a terrible disease!’ Then with a gritted-teeth smile I’d walk away.

As a stroke survivor myself I say your mom might need to have some medical professional explain the importance of her husband taking his meds as crucial and not something in her control, beyond helping him take them on schedule. She may wish him to not be on anything, but in my case they are keeping me alive! For months my wife had to take several of her meds every two hours around the clock. I take several a day and I welcome that I can and that hopefully they are helping me.

Over the years my wife disliked several of her doctors. No outward reason, but there was some vibe that she felt and it didn’t go away. Some we had to suffer since there was no alternate in our town (her GP), but when we found a good one (like her neuro-oncologist at Mayo) we did everything we could to stay with them. Many we gave up on and found a replacement!

Another thought is perhaps having a social worker talk to your mom and dad might be very helpful to get some help and a better understanding of the ongoing changes in your dad. My stoke effects have not gone away, won't ever, and it was a struggle for me to accept them and my new limitations. The same was true for my wife, but our lives got far better when we accepted what had happened and began to try and make the best of our different lives as best we could.

I also hope they have had time to get their crucial paperwork done for advance medical directives, POAs, estate, and final wishes written out.

If I may ask, how old is your dad?

Strength, courage, and peace!

I can only repeat what I sent in a message several years ago. Have in writing all the concerns you listed and any others you may have questions about. Hand it to the nurse or doctor on arrival and it eliminates having to state these concerns in front of your father. He will deny them or think you are 'ganging up' on him. I know that was the case with my husband who had Alzheimers. Just out of the blue he would decide someone was spying on him or taking behind his back. Neighbors that he had been very friendly with suddenly became the "enemy". He passed Feb 8 after about 6 years of Alzheimers, the last three in a care center, since I couldn't take care of him 24/7 anymore.

It is sad to read about about having to deal with a cancer diagnosis in Cameroon. I am a native Minnesotan, now living in Pennsylvania, who was treated successfully 7 years ago for Cancer at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. I was a Foreign Service Officer for 29 years and my family and I lived for three years in Kinshasa, the capital of the Republic of the Congo, just south of Cameroon. While living in the Congo, we experienced some serious medical issues. We sought treatment in the Congo, but were unable to find appropriate resources and finally had to go to another country, The Republic of South Africa, for treatment. Thus I'm familiar with the difficulties of finding appropriate care.

I noticed online that Dr. Paul Ndom of Raounde University in Cameroon gave a talk in Lyon, France, in 2012 on cancer treatment and care options in Cameroon. You can find a link to his talk on the Ecancer website at the following link:
https://ecancer.org/en/video/1588-cancer-care-in-cameroon-and-treatment-options
My suggestion would be to take a look at the article and try to consult with Dr. Ndom, who would seem to be a good source of comprehensive information. We wish you the best of luck, John Keller

@arreyprotus be sure to read this post from @djangomay2 !