During my troubled years, I could never understand why I was not allowed to say to my family and friends what was going on behind closed doors. Only a doctor had to analyze and determine the degree of mental disorder. Well, no doctor lived in my home and they never met my abuser, so how could they be the one to determine the mental problem? And why are we not believed? Well, yes, it is a sad thing to have to report mental illness and abuse about anyone, especially a loved one or spouse. It is important to live our lives not as victims but as successful, helpful, loving partners and when that is not possible, we need to remove ourselves from abusive environments completely, if possible, so we do not teach the abusive behavior to children by example. I never accepted the idea of taking pills for depression because someone chose to abuse me and get away with it. That is not the answer. The wrong person is taking the pills. I doubt you could rely on the abuser to take pills for bad behavior, either. Separation from the problem is an answer if you can do it safely. Recovery for the victim is possible, however, so I am making good progress on that life. Doris