@mariajean03 Bless you my dear. God is great, but sometimes we have to help ourselves. Have you seen a psychiatrist? I am a Christian, but have inherited from my mom depression and anxiety, but I am on Lexapro and Lamictal. They have helped me a lot. I see a psychiatrist and may be good for me to see a counselor, but I'm 68 and being on Aetna Medicare a lot of counselors don't take seniors. I'm sure I could find one though. My mom was bipolar 1 and ended her life at age 69. My first husband who I loved dearly was killed in a car accident 11 days after we were married a good friend who was a senior in high school was also killed with him.
My husband now use to be verbally abusive, especially to our children, but he is much better now after marriage counseling. He doesn't have a lot of patience at times, but it depends on how I react. He has been so good to me. I had a 9 hour back fusion from T-10 to my pelvis on June 9th. I doing ok, but like you do get depressed and have anxiety, but I can handle it pretty good. I had to give up my dog, she was a very healthy Papillon, except for cateracts and some dementia, but she was 14. I e-mailed The wonderful place I boarded her and they always let her sleep in the office.. The owner e-mailed me back and said, "Can I please have Lily, we love Lily." So, she is very happy there. I miss her very much, but I'm in a brace and can't bend, twist, or lift anything heaver than 10 pounds. I can't take care of her and she did not like my husband. I am doing fine and off all of pain medicine, but still do hurt.
Now back to you, I feel sad for you. Sounds like you have had a tough life. Tougher than mine. Remember you are Gods child. How old are you? I'm sorry about all the rejection and abuse is all you have ever known. You did say until now things are better. Sounds like you have a good husband. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Thank you for reaching out, you helped me. Love to you. Jeanie