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rcb1975 (@rcb1975)

When will I ever be happy?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: May 6, 2020 | Replies (14)

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@rcb1975, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. How difficult it must be to still feel such loss after more than 30 years since losing your brother tragically. I don't think one forgets a loss, but learns to live with it as part of your life. I'm so sorry that you grief and pain has been triggered again with the recent loss of your pet. I'd like to invite @lilyoaws to this conversation as she too is grieving the loss of her pet.

Rcb, have you been to grief counselling?

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Replies to "@rcb1975, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. How difficult it must be to still feel such loss..."

Thank you Colleen. My pet is still alive, but had to give her up, because I couldn't take care of her anymore. But it has been hard and I miss her very much. Shes at the boarders I always used and they wanted Lily very bad and told me they loved her, so she is at a good place and I get pictures and she looks so much happier. She is a healthy 14 year old.
I did lose my first Papillon and it is really hard to lose a pet. You love them so much and they are just like a child to you. About losing your brother, that's hard too. My story is also sad. I was married to my first love in 1969 and he was killed in a car accident 11 days after we were married. I was only 18. He is still in my heart and if it helps you "cry" Cry for your brother and dog. It's ok to feel sad.

Hi @colleenyoung … Thank you for responding. I have never been to grief counseling per we. My surviving brother, who was in the same car crash with my other brother, ( a family friend was driving them while drunk), myself and my parents all should have had counseling after it happened, however we didn't have insurance and could not afford it. I have been to three psychologists over the last 20 or so years and the main topic has always been my brother's death, and how mine and my family's life changed so drastically afterwards. The very first counselor I saw, told me I should put all of that in the past and not talk about. I had always heard the opposite and this was my first time going to counseling, so ,even though that seemed odd, I thought, "OK….never done this so I'll give it a try." Needless to say, I only went back a few times to her. The 2nd one was very good at giving me positive feedback and making me feel better during sessions, and I saw her on and off for a couple years but finally realized I was not getting anywhere really, after I was on my own and had no tools to deal with all of it whenever I got stuck in a bad, sad place. The 3rd promised big things. She was supposedly a cognitive behavioral therapist and was "going to explain what happens in the brain when we get depressed, sad, etc and was also gonna give me tools to work with out in the world to help." She did none of that and I quit seeing her after about 6months. I've tried looking for someone to help with grief and or a group therapy where I can be with others who struggle or have struggled, like me, to no avail. Its overwhelming to me trying to even find the right fit for me, so Ive been in a sort of limbo in that area.